Moving on with new life rarely gives you the opportunity to stop or even feel. You will most likely try to keep up with the pace that you’re going with only to end up forgetting who you are and what it is going on around you.
Leaving Melbourne and starting a new life here in Jakarta has been exactly that. I have been so busy adapting to the metropolis city that I sort of zoned out from myself that I used to resonate with.
As much as there are a lot of new coffee shops here in town, Jakarta could never be as “cool” as Melbourne. The vibe or even as simple as the sky is nowhere chill enough for people to just take a minute to stand and gaze through the surroundings.
What I find when i tried to do that here is that i get choked up by the pollution and selfishness of some sort.
Having to work in a media and having to be available 24/7 on call for work hasn’t really help. Losing something really dear and close to your heart makes it even worse.
All of these sorts of ricocheted into a ball of hatred and despise towards Melbourne. I sort of forgot about how great Melbourne used to feel.
But today, halfway through my four days off from work, I had the chance to reconnect with Melbourne. And a simple magazine with a glass of latte did the trick.
You see, Melbourne is a really nice and polite city. It never asked anything from you. It just always lets you glides around the street and disconnect from your life whenever you want to.
Anyone who is lucky enough to have lived in Melbourne will tell you that a simple coffee shop or even a brief stroll along Swanston street can take your problems away.
I always thought that you could be whoever you wanted to be wherever you are. Well, I used to think of that. But I guess every city has its own pressure on our sense of identity that we never got the chance to be whoever we wanted to be.
Well, Melbourne is different. Anyone could be whoever they bloody want to be, and it really change you in some ways. The sense of appreciation and respect you get from having that security is bizarre and yet so relaxing.
I guess judgement is what holding humanity back.
Once you let go of sharing judgement and once you lose the ability to judge people. It really puts you in perspective.
Problems will always persist, and problems will always change somebody in some ways wherever that somebody is. But the sense of being able to reconnect and reconfigure oneself is quite rare nowadays. The sense of being able to reboot is also a bit unique and rare.
Melbourne has been very tame in letting you doing just that.
I remembered the day that I knew I have something really special growing in my heart when I just sat in flagstaff garden, 11 O’clock into the midnight watching the sprinklers go and just really disconnect and not think of anything.
I was really excited and impatient that time and doing just that really brought me back to earth.
Even before that, when i knew nobody but the overly kind neighbour living next to me when i was in coburg. I never felt such safe and sound surroundings every night I walked through the park from my tram stop to the house.
It is as if Melbourne has some sort of warm invisible safety blanket to make your heart warm everytime your thoughts or fatigue gave up on you.
I’m not gonna say that I miss all that and I wanted to come back there right now because the both of us has some sort of detachment problem at the moment.
Leaving Melbourne was and still is the right decision. But that sense of being in a really safe solitude are never really attainable anywhere else.
I miss that, and that only.
If there are any silver lining, is that every now and then, you can sometimes still remember the way it guides you to solitude, even though the heavy sound of tram passing is no longer available to smile to.
I would never know if I will ever able to come back there. I will never know whether my journey there has finished or not. At least not anytime soon. Hell, I don’t even know whether i could still comeback there after all that happened.
But those feeling can still reappear somehow and that’s the thing i will always hold dear and close to my heart.
Sitting alone in a nice wooden stool sipping a good latte while reading some magazine is the sort of farewell gift that Melbourne gave me. The feeling of being there even just from a sip of coffee will always give you that sense of security and helps you figure through what happened. For some people, it might be different. It can be a slice of pizza or just as simple as buying stuff from a vending machine. But you know what I meant.
And my advice to you whether you’te still there, have left there, or will
be there in the future is that to take a minute to gaze and admire through your surroundings. Because sometimes the city could just appear out of nowhere without you having to be physically there. And it could really magically help you go through some tough times.
“I’m in repair, I’m not together but I’m getting there” – JM